I can't forget any of this over the next 7 years...

Okay so this is all kinda important stuff. To make sure I work hard enough to do what I actually want in life, the following must be kept conscious.

There is self-belief, desire, motivation, expectation, potential, chance, opportunity, choice and task. Not a single one of these things means anything unless I act upon it. Having more potential or less chance than the next prospective medic will not count for anything if I don't remind myself that without acting, without actively taking positive steps to achieve (both academically and in life), all of what could be will go to waste. I should remind myself that if I do let this happen, I could well wake up in ten years time and hate myself. I could let down everyone who bought into believing in me, I could let down my parents and my friends. Their support is nothing if I do not act. I could let myself down. This will happen if I expect the work to be done for me purely because I know I can.

Sacrifices will be made, not only on my behalf either. My parents will put up with me for two more years, and all my petty bullshit. They will have to put up with my lazyness, and my selfishness. They know as well as me however, that now is the time for me to be selfish. One does not enjoy this, but needs must. I will sacrifice my social life, some people won't understand. I will sacrifice time with my girlfriend, she will always understand.

Even writing this all down now, means absolutely nothing if I don't believe a word I'm saying. If this is all for dramatic effect or for some deluded elitist position I have upon writing down what I think people want to read, then it to means nothing.

Actions > Words. I'm so tired of words.

Messy

All the important things you can't live without

Yes, large reader base, I know that my update ethic is sloppy, but such is life. Besides, good things come to those who wait.

So I finished my exams confidently (as confident as one can be about exams that mean not-too-much). I basically taught myself a years sylabus in 4 days and then confidently wrote the exam, it really did bolster my self-confidence in a learning sense, I know that 2 years of A levels will be annoying, but now I'm confident I can grab A's in the 3 subjects I take to the second year.

I'll tell you what's fucking embarrasing. Love bites. That's all I'll say on that matter, but make no mistake, they are.

My other half's exams are nearly over, and that's good because revising puts her in the weirdest mood ever and although it's funny, it can be really annoying when you want to have a proper conversation. Not her fault though, I admire her self-discipline and ability to educate herself to the point of blurgh-ness.

I went to Punk in London last night with my platinum haired friend, free entry was fun, going home on my own and 2 hours in the London Public Transport system wasn't. Last train home was 1:35 - I got there at 1:35.45 - I could have cried. When I got home, me and my step-father watched this film called Strange Days. God knows why he was up but he managed to wake up to work at 8 in the morning, I was close behind him at fourteen-hundred-hours.

More good news, I have a free ticket to Pendulum tomorrow. If that doesn't make you jealous it's either because A) You also have a free ticket or, B) You don't appreciate good music.

I have my reference for my college application and have to say that I love Mr S. He put no word of a lie on it, but he was definately nicer than he could have been. I was truly greatful, and I thanked him.

I know this entry hasn't been so witty or clever, or even interesting, but I'm far too tired to entertain my readers. My next entry will put Stephen Fry, Oscar Wilde, Russell Brand and Noel Fielding's collective wit to shame. Until then I leave you with this, beautiful;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmTpQafXMeA

S'later yeaaaah?

Messy

Updatus maximus (pseudo-latin is fun)

I know this is a late update to my audience, which consists of just me, but I've been doing alot okay? okay.

Firstly I'll start off by saying that revision isn't fun, not because it's time consuming, but because it reminds me of how much I slacked during the year. I know I didn't want to do the course, but for God's sake doing the work wouldn't have hurt knowing that I would still have to sit exams. Today and the previous 4/5 days excluding perhaps 1 I have been head-in-books revising. Tomorrow is my final exam bar any resits I'm asked to do, so to finish up a week of hard work, me and the misses (she's amazing) went for dinner. It was immense. Worth 5 days of revision, for atleast 5/6 hours a day.

Apart from that I don't have much else to report on, it's just been revision and friends/girlfriend all the time.

That's a lie, I got kicked out of my house for a night. It was for a stupid reason and entirely avoidable if I wasn't so fucking selfish/lazy (it's one of the two or a combination of both), but mistakes are what make us human, without them we would learn nothing. 

I have decided on a new favourite quote, "A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing," (Wilde, 1892). A painful truth, and only truly understood through experience.

I've decided on Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology and English Literature for my A-levels. I'm hoping that being a mature student will gain me some leniency on the GCSE front (All C's apart from a B in RS... haaaa).

Bed time, exam tomorrow.

Bon chance;

Messy

One small step...

Today I awoke at 6am, on a friends sofa and wrapped in what I remember to be a Barbie themed sleeping bag. Altercations with parents meant that returning to my house when I came home this weekend would have lead to my head being impaled upon a broom handle and erected in the front garden, for all to see.

I caught the 6:59 back to university, to meet with my Course Tutor at 9 so that we can discuss my resits. This was a big step for me, I'm actually taking direct control over my education, and although it was a small step, it was significant. I organised and attended a meeting concerning my education, FML. It's not important for me to pass the year so that I can continue next year as I will be leaving to study new A levels, but I feel a duty to my ever-loving and supportive parents.

Good news now, a dear friend of mine from school has spoken to his Ward Consultant father who works at a prestigious university hospital in London about work experience for your's truly. This is indeed exciting, I know to many this seems arbitrary, but to me it's nothing short of what opiates are to the common skaghead.

I am currently sat in a sort-of quiet study area, some Eastern Bloc students are discussing something in hard-toned accents and dialect, so I have no way of knowing if they are discussing the intricate workings of their group assignment, or if they are heatedly debating the Peter-Jordan split. A mystery I shall never know.

Okay I have an already late Personal Development Profile to finish up and hand in. It has reminded my why I hate Marketing... It's fucking pointless.

Messy

And so we begin...

...I say we, it's more I at the moment. As a matter of fact I expect it to be so for a while, what with me being so... not negative, more realistic.

I see this blog as "A Cyberspace jar for thoughts and feelings," basically it gives my thoughts and feelings somewhere to go other than my mind, circulating and toying with me. It will also serve as a progress tracker on my journey to becomming a Medical student. I have a long way to go, but God willing I'll bloody well get there. I will need this so that I can organise what I'm doing, also if I keep up this blog it can serve as a "Long term commitment" on my application... Genius!

When there is news, you shall recieve.

Messy